Have you noticed?

19th April 2002, 1:00am
I’m waiting for the knock on the door. The Office for Standards in Education is coming, not to my school but to my very own sitting room. Scary.

We childminders are not given a visit date - just a month. They could turn up any time, probably just when the cat has been sick. Word is the inspectors are hot on images of ethnic diversity. A colleague has a black doll she can lend me.

Meanwhile, a friend gleefully reports a high-street store is advertising kiddies’ videos with the slogan “cheaper than a childminder”! I doubt if they are cheaper than my pound;2.25 an hour, but if their videos can simultaneously entertain the little dears, change nappies, puree carrots and remove foreign bodies from orifices, I’ll buy one myself.

Perhaps the same ploy could be used elsewhere. Security firms could advertise their guard dogs as “cheaper than a supply teacher”. Dishwashers could be marketed as cheaper than a classroom assistant and governors could be replaced by... no, silly me. There is nothing cheaper than a governor.

Joan Dalton