Dear parents, carers, kith and kin
Please find herein enclosed
Your child’s latest assessment sheet
Set out in verse, not prose
Assessment for assessment’s sake
May seem to you irrational
But here are your son’s latest grades
His levels - curriculum - national
In citizenship he’s a 7.5
He’s such a lovely person
In art he’s got a level 4
In French he’s got a worse ‘un
In food tech he’s a 5.2
As cool as a cucumber
In English he’s a level 6
(The Prisoner’s old number)
In ICT he’s level 3
But he is inclined to skive
In maths he’s level 4.8
But he should’ve been a 5
He’s a spirit level in RE
And a credit unto you
In music he’s just brilliant
So he’s level 42
His PE levels have been levelled down
For a level playing field
And if you level out all his levels
The truth will be revealed
Your level-headed little lad
To whom I am referring
On average has a level score
Of 5.6 recurring
And now fill in the slip below
Please do not eat or burn it
We’d value any comments, please
Here’s hoping you’ll return it
Parents’ reply
We love these lovely levels
They bring us a level of joy
But from this report, retain one thought:
He’s not a number - he’s a boy
Rob Barratt, Bodmin, Cornwall.
