1 A research group has recommended training for parents. What do teachers think they should learn?
a Contraception
b That the reason little Johnny is doing so badly in school is that he’s a complete moron. And he’s fat, and he smells
c Respect for the teaching profession
d The use of the electric cattle prod in the domestic environment.
2 Drunken elks attacked an old peoples’ home in Sweden after eating fermented apples. What did the old people say?
a Help, we are being attacked by drunken elks
b Nurse!
c At least it beats Swedish television
d Where are these apples?
3 Jamie Oliver has left Greenwich with a pound;40,000 bill following his school dinners series. What do the councillors say?
a I knew those elkburgers were a mistake
b That’s the Sainsbury’s application out of the window
c What did he want all those Swedish apples for, anyway?
d That’s the last time we let a chef into one of our schools
4 Researchers have found that teenagers’ brains change at adolescence. What do teachers say?
a So that’s why Johnny’s a complete moron
b Well, who’d have thought it?
c Next thing, they’ll discover Santa Claus doesn’t exist
d Which part of the word ‘Duh’ don’t they understand?
5 Scientists have discovered a hormone which suppresses appetite. Who will use it?
a Swedish elks
b Greenwich council
c Santa Claus
d Little Johnny
ANSWERS: 1c, 2a, 3d, 4d, 5b