We hear some west of Scotland schools have a slight software problem. Apparently, American English has baffled the best of them but that is now being corrected by a special local program, called Windies Two Thousand.
The traditional “Start” button has been replaced with the more familiar:
“Goan Yersel Bigman”.
“Yes”, “No” and “Cancel” are no longer used. To the question, “Dae ye want tae keep it or no?”, pupils are invited to respond “Aye”, “Naw” and “Piss Aff”.
The icons no longer make you click an American “OK” but a more appropriate “Aye . . . aw right”.
The “Help” facility has been made more localised and offers several options: “Ah cannae dae it”, “Stuff fur eejits” and “Stuff it”. (That’s the cleaner version.) There are tips on visiting porn sites for educational purposes, but we won’t go into that.