I was catching up on the day’s news when I stumbled across this headline: “Teach children how to avoid dog bites, say MPs.” For god’s sake. How many times have we all read something like this and thought: are we expected to fix every single one of society’s ills?

So, here you go teachers. As well as the curriculum, this is your to-teach list:

• Obesity

• Teeth cleaning

• Sex Education

• Gender issues

• Religious values

• Manners

• Social media use

• Citizenship

• Respect

• Empathy

• Kindness

• Generosity

• Tolerance

• Integrity

• Perseverance

• Fair play

• Litter picking

• Dressing

• Shoelace tying

• Toilet training

Even someone of my dotage can realise that it’s just not possible to teach all that in the 23 hour week. So, should we extend the school day? Or the year? Obviously, not. Instead, we should recognise that teachers can’t do it all.

Teachers should be left to teach and parents should be parents. Before they even enter a school building, children should be able to brush their teeth, go to the toilet without assistance and dress themselves properly.

Teaching time is precious, and already much is lost with religious festivals like Christmas and Easter, and fundraising days like Children in Need and Comic Relief. These are important, and deserve time and attention, but to ask teachers to spend any time on teaching children how to avoid dog bites is a serious waste of their time. After all, most of the pit bulls who entered my school were actually Ofsted inspectors...

Colin Harris is a retired headteacher and Tes columnist