Let’s be honest, teachers like structure and enjoy a rules-based environment. So here are a few primary-themed games to run across your evening. We must stress that they are not drinking games and we do not endorse or encourage drinking to excess, should teachers choose to partake in alcoholic drinks. Nor do we endorse the use of alcoholic drinks as forfeits, even if it is a suitably horrible looking shot of cheap port. But, should you decide to do either of these things, good luck!
At the start of the evening, one teacher is assigned the role of Nick Gibb (our beloved minister of state for school standards). “Nick” is the rules master and during the night he/she must impose short-notice rules upon the group that must be abided by immediately – any dissenters will suffer an immediate forfeit.
Each rule must be stated only once and must not be followed with any additional explanation, no matter how obscure or confused the initial ruling may seem. Each rule should only exist for a maximum of five minutes.
Liquor after levels
Members of the party are assessed for engagement and participation at half-hourly intervals by the person to their left, using an unintelligible scale hastily devised by someone on a serviette.
Each assessment must be peer-moderated by the person on the subject’s right, and a league table must be constantly updated by any non-drinking partygoers, ensuring maximum transparency.
When Sats attack
Appoint someone as “The Invigilator”. Their job will be to shout out – at random moments – the name of one of the key stage 1 or KS2 assessments. At these moments, everyone has to immediately shout back a word that best describes their thoughts about that exam. Prizes will be awarded for most ingenious use of swear words (please check in your vicinity for children and the easily offended before proceeding).
Nativity musical statues
Each partygoer is handed a card at the start of the evening assigning them to a nativity role. Whoever gets the “director” card must choose moments in the evening to scream “ACTION!”, at which point everyone must immediately strike a pose related to their character – and that pose should be struck with whomever they would be with in a real performance. So, for example, if the director shouts “ACTION!” and the three kings happen to be scattered across the pub, they immediately have to find each other and band together to look regal. Whomever the director deems poor in their performance gets a forfeit.
If you have experienced the “Thumb Master” game, this will seem familiar. One person is given a box of glitter and at some point they have to “glitterise” a person or object. Everyone else must watch out for this and when they spot it happening they have to kneel and pay homage before the glittered object or person. The last person to do so gets a forfeit, then inherits the box of glitter and is in charge of the next round.