As a seven-year-old, I asked my mum, a social work manager, what she did during her working day. She described various meetings and calls, to which I responded: “So you sit around and talk all day?” And for many leaders, that is an accurate description of how much of our time is spent. But how often do we really think about our leadership through the lens of talk?

It seems instinctively important for a visible leader to be out of their office, actively engaging with staff, students and parents. What we say, to whom, how, when, and even where, are the critical building blocks of successful leadership. The nature of the talk in an institution provides a huge insight into its culture. It is worth noticing the extent to which we, as leaders, tell as opposed to ask, make judgements rather than give feedback, or offer advice rather than ask questions.

I believe that there are different types of education leadership: of the head, the heart and the hand. So, what does leadership talk look like in each?

The head

One of the purposes of leadership is to create the spaces within which individuals and teams can engage and wrestle with big ideas and concepts. To what extent are you and your team able to articulate and debate your educational philosophy and the principles underpinning the design of your curriculum and pedagogy? What are they reading that is raising their sights about what is possible? What are they learning from outside the world of education that informs and improves their approaches?

Creating a culture of engaged and informed debate and discussion (a dialogic staffroom) requires leaders to not only allow for this but to actively design for it. It requires leaders who do not claim to have all the answers and who do not impose a single set of ideas from the top. It means we must be open to challenge, willing to openly engage and to wear our views lightly in order that change is possible. Practically, these conversations require space (mental and in time) in order to happen systematically.

The heart

Establishing authentic human connection is essential for the trusted and respected leadership we need in our schools. How do we convey what American psychologist Carl Rogers calls “unconditional positive regard” ?

Many leaders hide behind a perceived expectation of professionalism to justify being distant and cool, while others overshare and embarrass their teams with too much information about themselves. Finding a balance, where you genuinely share something of yourself, is an important leadership skill.

You can increase your openness in these simple interactions by adding in your own opinion or experience (“I’ve found that … ”, “For me, it has … ” or “I personally really love … ” ). Take notice of the effect this has.

This is a two-way process, so we need to think about questions that will encourage others to share. “How are you?” can be a difficult starter - and I often find myself not knowing how to answer it any authentic way. The ubiquitous role this phrase plays in our conversations can render it meaningless.

So, what else might we say? A simple “What’s going on with you/in your world?” can help things to shift into a slightly more connected interaction. Often, there simply isn’t enough time for extended interactions. But a warm smile and “Great to see you, look forward to catching up soon” count for a lot.

The hand

How are your staff enabled to bring big questions into their daily practice? Very often, conversations between leaders and team members focus on the quality of provision; the culture around accountability in schools has a profound effect on the nature of the professional dialogue that takes place.

Although progress has been made away from grading lessons in most schools, many of the interactions still boil down to senior staff making a series of judgements about lessons, books and planning.

This is exemplified by language that makes opinion sound like fact: “that was a good lesson” or “the marking in the books was poor”. But effective feedback is about sharing a personal view: “I thought it was a good lesson because … ” or “I didn’t think the marking was up to the agreed standards”.

What are the implications of a shift in the language of judgement or feedback? It enables staff to self-assess their practice against an agreed set of criteria and then engage with senior colleagues to share their evidence to substantiate this.

The talk becomes focused on the practitioner themselves: “I think this fully meets our agreed standards because …” Their colleagues can then focus on asking questions: “Can you show me how you have … ? ” or “Why have you not assessed yourself as ‘fully meeting standards’ on this? ”

Such talk demonstrates a shift in who is doing the most work in the situation. Rather than being the passive recipient of others’ views (most often in the form of judgements), a practitioner becomes able to articulate their thinking and insights into their own practice. This can be a simple but powerful change in how staff learn through talk.

As Rogers says: “The more I can keep a relationship free of judgement and evaluation, the more this will permit the other person to reach the point where he recognises that the locus of evaluation, the centre of responsibility, lies within himself.”

This model of head, heart and hand offers a powerful way to disaggregate the themes and understand them independently. The real skill comes in integrating them all into the elegant dance of balanced leadership.

Getting this balance right will depend on context, and it is one of the aspects of leadership we must attend to, by paying attention to a wide range of information and feedback about our organisation.

Noticing what the team may need more of, or less of, is the kind of reflective observation that will enable us to plan with sophistication the types of conversations that are needed.

By watching our language and increasing our awareness of our talk, we can lead profound cultural change.

Thinking about how, about what and with whom you are talking is a great place to start in understanding your own journey of dialogic leadership.

Liz Robinson is co-director of the charity and multi-academy trust Big Education

This article originally appeared in the 14 June 2019 issue under the headline “Speak from the heart (and the hand and head)”