No leader sets out to have favourites among their team, but some staff do tend to naturally evolve to be the most relied upon and trusted. Often, leaders use these teachers as foundation stones on which to build new policies, strategies or interventions.

So when one of those teachers decides to take their talents elsewhere, it can feel like a sucker punch. Should you beg them to stay? Throw perks and pay rises at them? Or wave them a fond farewell as they go on their way?

Roy Souter, headteacher at Stoke Hill Junior School in Exeter, says you start by acknowledging the emotional impact of losing a treasured colleague.

“We’re very lucky to have a pretty stable staff in our school, but over the years, a number of highly effective and experienced staff members have moved on to other roles,” he says.

The most important thing when receiving the news, he continues, is to remain “in the moment” with that member of staff. It’s perfectly natural to start “running hypothetical staffing reviews in your head”, he says, but when a valued colleague is opening themselves up in a potentially difficult conversation that they have probably been psyching themselves up for, you owe it to them to give it your full attention.

In short, listen to what they have to say, congratulate them, and ask them about the move. Only when they have gone should you start thinking about your next step.

The temptation may be first to try to persuade them to stay. Could a pay rise be enough incentive to turn down other offers? And could that outlay even save money against the cost of recruitment?

Vivienne Porritt, strategic leader of the #WomenEd movement, put the question to WomenEd members and found little enthusiasm for the approach.

“We don’t think it works,” she says. “It sets a bad precedent and can unsettle the team. Even when the driver for persuasion is well intentioned, it can raise fears of favouritism.

“It’s also unsettling for the person trying to leave. We don’t think anyone leaves without careful thought, and that ‘what if’ will always be there.”

Let’s stay together

However, if the job they are going to was not right and improvements to the current job can be made, one headteacher (who wishes to remain anonymous) says a discussion is still worthwhile, as she found when a vital member of non-teaching staff from the finance department informed her she was attending an interview elsewhere.

“We had a discussion and identified a number of issues that the employee felt about personal progression, development, job efficiency and satisfaction,” she says. “Some of them could be ironed out pretty instantly, others would take longer, but I was able to demonstrate my increased awareness of them and commitment to resolving them. And they would all positively impact not only on the individual but also the school as a whole if resolved.”

The employee nonetheless opted to attend the interview for the new role, which the anonymous headteacher supported.

“I wanted them to not be persuaded out of going by me, but to go and realise what a great environment they were currently working in,” she continues. “I don’t believe in talking people into staying. I did talk to the employee about their reasons for considering moving in great detail. I wanted them to go and consider the reality of the role.”

When the employee went to the interview, it was explained that the role brief had changed significantly, as had the salary. They were offered a job, but not the job that was advertised or that they applied for. So they declined and stayed. Without the conversation with the headteacher prior to interview, though, that employee may well have taken the new job regardless.

But for some, this conversation should be happening much earlier. Ed Vainker, co-founder and principal of Reach Academy Feltham, says that by being “as proactive as possible” you can help avoid these situations with staff.

“Our teachers and leaders have twice-yearly career planning meetings with a senior member of staff to prevent surprise decisions, and to proactively give people the challenges and opportunities they are looking for,” he says. “If they are saying that they are considering applying for another role, that is different to announcing you have an interview tomorrow. If they are looking for something that you can’t offer, then it is difficult.

“I would always try to reiterate the benefits of working at our school and the opportunities they have to develop and grow.”

Tomorrow’s world

But if the staff member does decide to leave, what do you do next?

“The next step is to start reflecting on whether or not the role needs to be replaced like for like,” says Souter. “In common with many other schools, our budget is stretched and while every resignation presents a challenge, it also creates an opportunity to do things differently.

“For example, if a teaching assistant leaves, would it be more effective to use the money saved to increase admin support for our Sendco? And would doing so give better support to our vulnerable children?”

The important thing is not to panic, or make rash decisions, says Porritt, as this “can lead to poor appointments, which is every school leader’s nightmare, and can take years to resolve”.

She suggests getting other staff involved in the decision.

“Ask the team for their suggestions to ways forward,” she says. “And find a short term-solution, such as acting roles, while you give yourself a time to sort out a permanent one.”

The upside of this approach is that you may find someone in your ranks is ready to step up.

“There’s always someone looking for an opportunity to step up and gain experience in the short term, so see a resignation as a chance to enable the progression of others,” says Porritt.

And you should ensure that the leaving staff member departs on good terms, says Vainker.

Ultimately, he continues, if staff do decide to leave, it’s important to make sure that they do so as ambassadors for the school, who will tell a “positive story” to potential future staff.

Souter agrees, and says it’s essential to carry out exit interviews, to ensure departing staff feel heard and that you are aware of any issues that could use attention.

“We give people the questions beforehand so that they have the chance to reflect on their answers, and make sure a good amount of time is allocated,” he says. “Although it’s potentially uncomfortable, it is an extremely valuable exercise in terms of improving the way in which the school operates.”

Finally, you need to accept that pivotal staff leaving is part of running an organisation and not necessarily a negative reflection on you or your school - in fact, it may be a positive one.

Zofia Niemtus is acting deputy commissioning editor at Tes. She tweets @Zofcha

This article originally appeared in the 5 July 2019 issue under the headline “Ways to win at the losing game”