The room is dark, lit only by a single white bulb positioned directly above the table. Two men sit opposite each other. One of them is sweating, holding his head in his hands, worn down by the demands of answering question after question; the interrogator can tell that he is just about to crack.

When you think about interrogation, this is the scenario that most likely springs to mind. It is what we see in the media - a torturous yet effective process whereby people in positions of power obtain information by intimidating and demanding the truth.

In reality, however, this is not how effective interrogation works. According to Emily and Laurence Alison, experts in interpersonal psychology who specialise in criminal interrogations and have advised UK police forces, the FBI and the CIA on how to interview extremely resistant suspects, conflict is to be avoided at all costs when you are trying to get a difficult person to cooperate with you.

Dealing with difficult personalities is something that school leaders will certainly find themselves doing from time to time. OK, they might not be interrogating people in a room with a two-way mirror on the wall, but on occasion they are likely to face tricky interactions with parents, students or even members of staff who are hostile and resistant to engaging in conversation.

“Teachers are a diverse bunch, and you can get some tricky, difficult people that need to be managed,” says Laurence, a professor of psychology at the University of Liverpool. “Sometimes, managing those people requires a stern but robust, emphatic approach, and other times it requires a much more nurturing, listening approach,” he adds.

In their new book Rapport: the four ways to read people (and talk to anyone in any situation), the Alisons set out their model for strengthening communication. This model, which they describe as “deceptively simple”, consists of four modes. The first of these, “T-Rex”, focuses on how best to deal with confrontation, which Laurence says is often not dealt with appropriately by leaders.

“People can get extremely avoidant,” he says. “What I’ve experienced is either people avoiding the problem altogether or waiting so long that it gets so toxic and problematic that it gets swept under the carpet, only to re-emerge and haunt us all later.”

Where a confrontation has to happen, the Alisons advise that it is best to approach the situation in a way that is thoughtful and empathetic but also frank and forthright.

Laurence gives an example scenario: an inappropriate text message has been sent from one member of staff to another. The issue needs to be dealt with by leadership. That means an uncomfortable conversation has to happen, with someone who is most likely to be feeling guilty and defensive.

“Stick to the facts, calm your language down, take it slowly and be precise,” advises Laurence. “The message needs to be clear.”

Emily, a counsellor who specialises in dealing with perpetrators of domestic violence, agrees that taking your time and making sure that you prepare your strategy in advance is key to getting the outcomes you want from conversations like these.

“Having a strategy and taking the time to plan, when you can, is worth it,” she says.

“Secondly, try to be versatile and know your own style of communication, but not to be bound by this style. Try and give yourself other skills that you can draw on, even if it doesn’t feel comfortable,” Emily adds.

Another of the Alisons’ communication modes, “Monkey”, focuses on displaying cooperation and warmth. This mode is likely to be particularly important when working with teachers, suggests Emily, as teaching is a profession that values compassion, flexibility and honesty.

“Your team wants honesty, so don’t shy away,” she says. “If there’s something tough you’ve got to lay on the line - be it what this is going to mean for the school or economically - you need to be honest, but be empathic with that and understand how that’s going to make people feel. Listen to those feelings and reflect feelings back. Monkey is about always giving to other people, so it can be hard, but that’s an important feature and it does eventually start to pay back.”

The other two conversation modes, “Mouse” and “Lion” (see box, above) focus on how to capitulate and how to establish control. The latter examines how leaders should be clear, in charge and support others, without being demanding, dogmatic or pedantic, while the former involves demonstrating humility and patience, while avoiding weakness and uncertainty.

Reflecting on how you already use these modes of communication as a leader can be useful, the Alisons point out. Laura May Rowlands, head of faculty for English and literacy at Woodlands Community College in Southampton, has found some elements of communicating as a leader to be more difficult than others.

“For me, leading a small team, it can be hard to manage the ‘Monkey’ aspect of it - I think I have been guilty of overfamiliarity in the past,” she says.

“Additionally, being younger and less experienced than some of the teachers I have managed has, at times, led to a clash and here I have learned that the ‘Mouse’ aspect is important - occasionally, I have got it wrong and should have conceded this.”

Admitting that you are wrong is not something that always comes naturally, she adds, but it is an important part of being a better leader. “Learning to own that is a huge step in leadership and a lot of people - myself included - would benefit from knowing how to do this effectively,” Rowlands says.

Ultimately, leaders will need to juggle different styles of communication every day at school, whether they are dealing with conflict or not. What the Alisons’ techniques do is to set these modes of communication out explicitly, so that leaders have a toolbox of strategies to reach for when one of those difficult situations does come along.

Kulvarn Atwal, the executive headteacher of two large primary schools in the London Borough of Redbridge, likens this approach to a four-step method he outlined recently for Tes on the value of emotionally literate leaders and authentic leadership.

“What I think [the Alisons] are saying is that there is a fine balance in leadership between ‘directing’ and ‘caring’. You have to find an effective balance between the two,” he explains.

“They are saying that leaders should be honest when challenging, not attacking. To be clear and supportive, not over-demanding. To be humble, but not weak or uncertain. Care but don’t let that develop to a point where you can’t challenge,” he says.

Carly Page is a freelance journalist

This article originally appeared in the 31 July 2020 issue under the headline “What leaders can learn from police interrogation”