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15 little things that all new elementary teachers will have discovered by now

You're well into your first semester, and a few things will be becoming crystal clear...

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  1. The importance of cookies in keeping the teachers' lounge happy.
  2. Your students’ names. It’s a low bar but an essential one.
  3. When you’re up at 1am planning lessons, it’s less lonely if you watch Storage Wars...
  4. ...and, as a result, your students are now whizzes at counting in tens, then fives, before asking for any further offers.
  5. When you’re up at 1am marking, you start keeping a log of how many different ways kindergarteners spell rabbit. There are currently 27...
  6. ...although you are not sure if "D-O-G" really counts, even though Courtney swears it is the name of her brother’s pet rabbit.
  7. Then you meet her brother. And you understand.
  8. You spend your weekends googling stampers.
  9. You can’t believe that there isn’t already a stamper with "Remember your library book" on it. You consider ordering enough for every elementary-school teacher in the US.
  10. You order a bargain one with "Remember your library book" – it will be invaluable.
  11. When you’re in a nightclub at 1am, telling the sexy barman about your 28 children might not result in a date.
  12. Especially when you can no longer remember their names.
  13. But the personalised stamper has arrived!
  14. And it says "Rememberyourlibrarybook".
  15. So you auction it off in the teachers' lounge – and get two cookies for it.

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