We’re indebted to our sister paper down south for this little gem about the lengths to which teenagers will go to avoid showing their report cards to their parents. One 17-year-old arranged to be brutally assaulted and robbed, preferring to arrive home beaten and bloodied than turn up with a poor report. Last month, The TES reported that a German teenager had arranged the aggravated robbery of his teacher. He was expelled after he and two henchmen threatened the teacher with an iron bar before stealing a case of report cards.

Now, a 17-year-old from Frankfurton- Oder, in the east German state of Brandenburg, has been charged with faking a crime after asking his friend to beat him up. The “attack” happened on the last school day before the summer holidays.

Fearful of his parents’ reaction, the boy gave his friend his mobile phone, MP3 player and end-of-year report.

Then he got his pal to hit him with a metal bar. When his soft-hearted friend failed to injure him, the boy cut himself with broken glass. A passer-by called the police, who took him to hospital before questioning. During the interview the boy finally admitted all.

Initiative and invention: A-plus.

Old-fashioned common sense: D.