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Baffled chief

"New technology baffles pissed old hack" was a favourite phrase of Private Eye magazine. Which it shtill doesh.

It also troubles the senior chief inspector. Graham Donaldson, soon to be of the parish of Livingston in the civil service jobs relocation, turned out at the primary heads' conference in Glasgow armed with his typed speech.

Logic dictates that some technological hiccup must have prevented the senior chief from delivering his address in Powerpoint.

Sadly, there was no podium from which to lecture the mass of heads, only an open laptop. Being a man at the cutting edge of innovation, Donaldson promptly balanced his reams of paper on it.

"Laptops are extremely good as lecterns," he pronounced.

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