It was all set up to be a cracking day until the new head - Karen “the robot” Carter - called me into her office.

“I wanted to talk to you about our internet security policy, Kate. As you know, we’ve banned undesirable internet sites like Ratemyteachers. There was a feeling among the governors that allowing children to score members of staff online was disrespectful.”

“Absolutely.”

“Just the other day, there was a post suggesting Graham Perkins, our head of history, smelled of beans. Whether comments like that are accurate or not, I’m sure you understand they compromise the discipline of the school.”

“Couldn’t agree more.”

“For example, that post last week alleging Susan from PE was abusing and selling steroids. Downright libellous.”

“Darn right!” I pounded my fist on the coffee table for effect, sending a photo of a grinning Karen and three android children bouncing into the waste-paper basket. “I mean, I’m sure there’s another reason why half our girls’ hockey team are sporting beards.”

“And that appalling post about Walter from chemistry ... honestly, the very idea he’d do THAT. And with half of Year 10 watching.”

“Quite right. When is he back from long-term sick leave by the way?”

“February.”

“And the class hamster?”

“July ... Anyway, that’s not what I wanted to talk about. It’s the posts concerning you, Kate.”

“Ah. Rather embarrassing. Five out of five. Five out of five,” I blushed. “But what can you do? ‘Her lessons are the epitome of intellectual daring and pedagogical savoir faire ...’”

“Rather advanced for a secondary pupil don’t you think? I only ask, Kate, because they all seem to be coming from your log-in.”

Humph. Looks like there’ll be no more bumping up my score until Karen is dispatched to another grotty comprehensive.

Was ever a teacher so hard done by?

Kate x.