Slow-moving but stealthy. Universally feared. Inordinately interested in people’s brains. Yes, there are more than a few similarities between zombies and Ofsted inspectors. But although popular culture and the internet are full of zombie survival kits and tips for surviving an unexpected onslaught from the undead, we have found that practical advice for surviving Ofsted is thin on the ground.

However, TES is always up for a challenge, especially if that challenge involves taking time out to make spurious lists of things to stick in a backpack (well, everyone needs a hobby). So a couple of weeks ago we decided it was about time to redress the balance.

But what to put in this kit? Early suggestions at #ofstedsurvivalkit included this from @syredpaul: “Definitely chocolate and some ready meals for the family as I’ll be working till midnight.” That will certainly resonate with teachers who have felt the heat of a Ofsted raid.

Similarly, empathy will be heading in the direction of @littlem11911934, who said that the most essential bit of kit was “a huge box of tissues for the inevitable meltdown”.

Other ideas centred on sustenance (during an Ofsted attack you’re going to need tea, coffee, biscuits and cake) and keeping your colleagues informed - you could either use a slightly unsophisticated walkie-talkie set, or an even more unsophisticated child-with-note method.

But, inevitably, most suggestions came down to booze, with @moke57 demanding a bottle of gin and @welshgje simply writing “Vodka”.

What would you want in your Ofsted survival kit? Let us know on Twitter by sending a tweet to @tes using the hashtag #ofstedsurvivalkit. The best ones will inform what goes into the final kit, and the best of the best will win a kit for their school so that they are ready next time the inspectors call.

And for anybody worried about a double-threat attack by zombies and Ofsted, don’t be. In his best-selling book The Zombie Survival Guide: complete protection from the living dead, Max Brooks says, “Often, a school is your best bet - perhaps not for education, but certainly for protection from an undead attack.”

Final word surely should go to @mrscooper1973, who failed to spot the clue in the hashtag when she told Twitter what she really wanted when Ofsted came calling: “Arsenic.”

Keep up to date with the latest education chat online by following @tes on Twitter