With another academic year of perpetual revolution in schools just around the corner, one teacher lists the tried and tested staffroom methods of avoiding reform.
1. Isn’t the head against this?
2. Isn’t the head in favour of this?
3. Can you jot that down on paper for me?
4. We’ll set up a working group to look at it.
5. Isn’t this something to do with vocational education?
6. It would never survive the curriculum review.
7. We could try that when we’ve got on top of the new testsnew performance managementnew professional development programme.
8. Don’t they do this sort of thing in academiesgrammar schools?
9. Isn’t there a critical DfE report on that?
10. DfE is going to publish a paper, I think.
11. The students won’t stand for it.
12. Your predecessor had a lot of flak from the studentsparentsgovernors for this sort of thing.
13. Sounds really interesting.
14. Very trendy, I must say.
15. It would work in some places, but not here.
16. They tried that in my last place.
17. Sorry, it’s my coffee break.
18. Can you do me a risk analysis before it goes to the senior leadership team?
19. Will it stop them writing on the tables?
20. I’ve got a bus duty to do.
21. The government was very keen on something like this a couple of years ago.
22. Have you written your reports yet?
23. The cleaners won’t like it.
24. This is the sort of thing you read about in TES.
25. We do it already.
26. I’ve just taught Year 10.
27. Have you thought about how this will affect our position in the league tables?
28. Will you organise a training day on it, please?
29. There was a pilot scheme, I think.
30. The old Inner London Education Authority did something about this just before it was abolished.
31. Let’s get the consultant in.
32. Not if it means having that consultant in again.
33. There’s more to this place than your career.
34. There are timetabling problems.
35. We could pilot it with one or two groups, certainly with the bottom sets.
36. I have a vague memory that the governorslocal authoritygovernment have raised ethical questions.
37. We’ll try that when we have the inspection out of the way.
38. Did I not read about this in The Guardian?
39. A deputy went to an Ofsted conference a while ago. Ask her.
40. They did that at that school which went into special measures.
41. Wasn’t that raised in the report on that failing school?
42. Aren’t you supposed to be teaching?
43. Are you still banging on about that?
44. Is that the time? I’m supposed to be seeing the head.
45. I think the secretary of state advocated that.
46. I think the secretary of state has negative things to say about that sort of idea.
47. Will it raise standards?
48. There are technology implications.
49. It’s much too expensive.
50. Can you work out the resourcing model for it?
51. I am sure that Schools Network runs a network of schools who are working on that - perhaps you could talk to them.
52. I don’t think you can configure the software for that to work.
53. It will be a lot easier when we install the new system, which has enhanced functionality.
54. We used to do that in 1983, and it never worked well.
55. Are you sure it’s still legalpossible?
56. It’s a really good idea. But ...
57. No.
Mark Smart teaches in London.
