Here is my list; readers can add others:

* padded, motorised zimmer-frames as a right after the age of 50;

* free issues of minister David Milband’s youthful elixir;

* “fast tracking” into private health care;

* free Viagra, plastic surgery, and gene therapy;

* Ofsted-exemption vouchers for the over 45s;

* pension settlements at least as favourable as those for MPs;

* their own personal civil servant to deal with all their paperwork; and most importantly of all

* classes without children for their last five years of teaching.

But even these might not be enough...

Professor Colin Richards

1 Bobbin Mill

Spark Bridge

Cumbria