There is, it is rumoured, a secret code which teachers use when writing reports. For example, “George is a pleasure to have in class” really means, “George is my favourite child” and, “Peony has been working on developing her friendship strategies” means, “Peony is a right royal pain in the bum”.
But TES has now cracked the secret code which children use when writing thank-you notes to their teachers.
As reported earlier this week, what teachers really want from their pupils is not a bottle of red wine or a box of exquisite handmade chocolate truffles, but a thank-you note.
And so, as you struggle home with that pile of (suspiciously neatly) handwritten cards from your class, we offer you some translations of what those notes really mean.
1. “You are my favourite teacher.”
You are my only teacher.
2. “Yoo r my favrit teecher.”
I got full marks on the phonics test.
3. “I love your smile.”
I can’t understand a word you are saying.
4. “Mum says thank you for all you have done for me.”
You have saved her from a nervous breakdown.
5. “I’ll always remember you.”
In 20 years’ time, look out for my memoirs.
6. “The headteacher told me the baby in your tummy won’t let you come back to school next year.”
The headteacher is having a nervous breakdown.
7. “You smell really nice.”
You smell of chocolate.
8. “My dad says enjoy the summer.”
My dad is silently weeping over his lack of childcare arrangements.
9. “Thank you, Sir. Can you think of three other ways of saying thank you?”
The school’s marking policy has made a deep impression on me.
10. “I will miss you.”
I will miss you. And I’ll never forget how happy I was in your class.