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Gongs of praise

Alun Pelleschi, head of Deincourt community school in Derbyshire, has taken to awarding bottles of wine to teachers who go beyond the call of duty in their pupil report-writing. An unnamed art teacher won the latest prize for the following assessment of a favoured Year 8 pupil: "She has not burned herself out but I was expecting her to be banging on the door of level 6 by now. I am sure it will come in time, and if last year is anything to go by it was not until after Christmas that her after-burners fired up and shot her hurtling through those lower levels."

Meanwhile, the RE department got to write the following pearler: "Overall levels indicate that Heaven is making steady progress in RE."

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