So what, exactly, is a hedge fund? Schools minister Lord Adonis would like to know. He offered a prize for the best definition to Year 7 pupils at last week’s opening of the Burlington Danes academy. (The academy is co-sponsored by a charity called Ark- Absolute Return for Kids - which is largely financed by the proceeds from hedge funds.) Always keen to help, the Diary turned to its personal financial advisor (husband). “The best definition I can give,” said the PFA, “is a business that collects and invests people’s savings with the aim of making a positive absolute return (Aha!) on assets, rather than merely beating the stock exchange average, and that uses the full range of modern investment techniques to achieve this.”

Crikey. We suggest drawing a few pretty pictures to liven your entries up, Year 7s.