We’ve often heard teachers talk about just how much better things would be if they ruled the world. Well now we’ll get the chance to find out, in one small part of it at least: Canada has elected former teacher Justin Trudeau as its next prime minister. But what would happen if a teacher were to take over as leader of the UK - and implement everything they’d learned from education?
- Parliamentary business takes twice as long as usual, as each MP is subject to a strict uniform check before they’re allowed to enter the chamber - Black Rod measures tie and skirt length with a ceremonial ruler.
- “And I say to the British people: I’m not angry, I’m disappointed.”
- The Speaker starts a “fingers on lips” system for maintaining order during Prime Minister’s Questions...
- ...and anyone disobeying the “fingers on lips” system loses five minutes of Golden Time (and therefore any chance of a seat in the pub) on a Friday.
- The parliamentary stationery budget mysteriously triples overnight.
- Secretaries of state are abolished in favour of group work and peer-marking.
- Written questions are only allowed if they have a capital letter at the start, a question mark at the end and perfect SPaG throughout.
- Under a new behaviour policy, by-elections are triggered if your MP gets to “thunder”.
- MPs are expected to display the best of their constituents’ correspondence as wall displays in their office.
- And, of course, the first policy announcement: a massive (and well deserved) pay rise for every single teacher in the country.
