Firstly, I live in Neilston not Barrhead - a seminal point for the tribesmen in these parts, as anyone who has ever witnessed a Neilston Juniors v Arthurlie clash knows. Secondly, far from from journeying in the same direction separately, my colleague-spouse and I in fact constitute a car-pool. This enables us to be environmentally friendly without having to travel too far out of our way.

And thirdly, I am a heidie not an assistant heidie, and am therefore quite clearly going nowhere.

Jimmy Higgins Headteacher Stranraer Academy