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Le poke

As school trips return from le continent, having trudged through trenches and dawdled through Disneyland Paris, we hear of amazing success for the languages for all policy.

The trip's patron duly issued instructions on the need to communicate - if at all possible - in their hosts' native tongue. Failing that, they should speak slowly and clearly because most in the tourist business can manage a smattering of English.

The message was ruthlessly absorbed by one lad with a sharp appetite who approached a street vendor in confident mood.

Out it came: "Gonna I geeza I pokka I chups."

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