His replacement found the following pinned to the corner of the laboratory noticeboard: “Physicists have recently discovered the heaviest element known to science. It has been tentatively called administration. It has no protons nor electrons and its atomic number is nil.

“What it does have is one neutron, eight assistant neutrons, 10 executive neutrons, 35 vice-neutrons and 256 assistant vice-neutrons. These particles are held together by a force that involves continual exchange of meson-like particles, called morons.

“Administration is completely inert but can be detected chemically because it impedes every reaction it comes into contact with.”