Picking your favourite teacher is a bit like picking your favourite injury, isn’t it? But I suppose Mrs Creecher is alright. Her first name’s Edna. So we call her "Clouds".
I go to Bash Street School in Beanotown. Everybody who’s anybody in Beanotown goes to Bash Street School. The most famous ones (after me) are Dennis (and his dog Gnasher), Roger the Dodger, Billy Whizz, Calamity James and the Bash Street Kids.
What’s the school like? Well, it’s a rectangle with lots of cracks. Isn’t that what every school is like? And the school dinners, eurgh! I’m not having second helpings of those! You know when it rains at Glastonbury and everyone gets up to their eyeballs in it? Well, they wouldn’t try it in Olive’s broccoli and prune curry...
Anyway, where was I? Ah yes, Mrs Creecher. I’m pretty sure she’s human, but I wouldn’t bet my last squishy on it. You might expect me to hate all my teachers but, actually, I can tolerate them all once they realise I’m in charge. Mrs Creecher used to really struggle to keep order in the classroom, but since she gave up trying, everyone’s been a lot happier. And break lasts for 45 minutes, which is sort of epic.
Has she ever called me Hermione? She wouldn’t dare call me that. Only my dad does, and once I’ve perfected my "you aren’t funny" stare, he’ll stop, too.
'School's a real Beano'
There was this one time I "accidentally" brought a sloth back from a school trip to the zoo. Mrs Creecher’s a bit short-sighted and she mistook Simon (that was his name) for her favourite cashmere cardigan. I think she might have gone home wearing him, but then he licked her ear… She told me to take him back, but free spirits like Simon deserve to be free. I released him into the wild. Actually, I released him into the stationery cupboard, which sounds about right for a sloth. You know what I learned from that experience? Never scream when a sloth is licking your ear. It makes them bite. And people say kids don’t learn anything new at school these days!
I’ve lost track of how many detentions Mrs Creecher has given me. To give you an idea, they always keep a seat by the window for me, which is nice. Mostly I get my detentions on a Thursday. I don’t like Mrs Creecher much on a Thursday. She goes out with her friends from Posh Street School on a Wednesday night and she’s always in a bad mood after that.
Don’t tell him I said this, but my cousin Dennis is a right laugh. He’s in my class and we get up to some fun things. Dennis sneaks Gnasher into school every day by pretending he’s a backpack! That was my idea. Mrs Creecher’s never rumbled us. She does say, “Dennis’s bag stinks like a wet dog," mind. So yeah, Dennis can be a laugh but he’s sort of B-list when I’m around, you know? I feel bad about that sometimes. But not often.
The other day Mrs Creecher asked me what I want to be when I grow up. I told her I want to be a legendary street artist or a cartoonist – art’s my favourite subject. I draw comics. I’ve got a diary which is all done in comics. It’s secret, though! Or, if I can’t be an artist, I'll be prime minister. Minx-it means Minx-it!
Beano for Schools is now live at https://schools.beano.com/. Minnie was speaking to Tom Cullen
Minnie the Minx
Born: First appeared in issue 596, dated 19 December 1953
Education: Bash Street School, Beanotown
Career: The third longest running Beano character, behind only Dennis the Menace and Roger the Dodger, Minnie has a statue in Dundee, the home of The Beano and The Dandy.