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My heart sank when my husband said he wanted to retrain and join me in teaching. My first reaction was dismay. My husband is intelligent, hard-working, sporty, caring: he would be an incredible asset to any primary school and a valuable role model. And he would surely derive great satisfaction from the good work of teaching. 

Why then my sinking heart, my sense of doom, when he told me he wanted to retrain as a teacher?

I am sad to say that my fears have proved well-placed. He has changed in the three years that have taken him through training and into a second year of full-time teaching. He is less confident, more anxious and less able to find time for exercise and socializing. He no longer sleeps well.

He is a hard worker, the type that the teaching world takes advantage of in the current system. Each day is crammed full of internal meetings, organizing and leading assemblies, music and sports events, responding to lengthy emails from parents with a direct line for the smallest upsets and coordinating lunch activities, before the actual work of planning and delivering engaging lessons for 32 children followed by marking the work produced. It is a relentless job and sadly one that, when done well, is unacknowledged, while any small mistake is punished.

There have, of course, been moments of joy: seeing him return home glowing from a well-received lesson, a sports team victory or a kind comment from an appreciative parent.

I wish the teaching world was kinder

But these things do not outweigh the negatives, nor do they make up for the impact that being a two-teacher household has had on our relationship.

I was worried about being “two teachers”. We had different careers when we met and I was concerned that curriculum chat, pupil dilemma discussion and politician-bashing might leak into our personal lives.

We set some ground rules: no work to be brought home where possible, a maximum of two days’ work during holidays and two hours at weekends. Initially, we went so far as to ban discussions about school at home. This has softened a little over the years, and tales of the day are permissible, but really only if they’re funny. My husband works incredibly long hours during the week to try to fit in with these rules. It is the only way it can work.

I am immensely proud of him and the positive difference he is making to the lives of many children. I simply wish the teaching world was a kinder place and that there was something more to reward his hard work.

How long we will both last in these careers is unclear. There are currently too many checks against carrying on in teaching: the long hours, emotional toll, highly critical environment and comparatively low pay; and too few in favor- the personal reward of working with children and the long holidays. 

For now, we are making it work.

The writer is a secondary school teacher in the south-east of England