I'd just got a promotion to a new school, where I was due to take over as a head of year. It was my liaison day and I heard the other teachers talking about a boy called Jimmy who had a reputation for lifting girls' skirts. "He'll be one you'll have to watch," said one teacher. This was true and not so true.
Jimmy was absent in my first two weeks there, but returned in week three. By the end of the next week he had misbehaved again and again and been permanently excluded. My next job was to sort out his file. He had a mere 83 serious incidents in Year 7 which, when added to the final incidents in Year 8, contributed to his exclusion.
Surprisingly, his mother - Mrs G - decided to appeal and came to the hearing. I had heard rumours that she had tattoos on her breasts: "Mild" on one breast and "Bitter" on the other, although I had never been able to confirm this.
I managed to avoid the appeal hearing, which did not run smoothly for Mrs G. Apparently, she shouted at the headteacher, calling him an "effing xxxx".
Jimmy left our school and was seen outside the gates a few times before getting himself educated at Her Majesty's pleasure by the age of 15 for "TWOCing" cars (taking without owner's consent), joining his older siblings in similar circumstances.
Meanwhile, Mrs G's tattoos remained a rumour to me until I was talking to a student teacher a few months later, who told me: "I was in this pub in the town centre when this woman lifted her top, and had no bra on, and do you know what? She had 'Mild' tattooed across one breast and 'Bitter' on the other ... ". So it was true after all: she was a well-balanced lady.
The writer is a head of lower school. Send your worst parent stories to firstname.lastname@example.org. Those published will receive #163;50 in MS vouchers.