a To protect animals, of course!

b It was in the manifesto but Tony just realised he’d turned two pages at once

c Running gag to wind up the House of Lords

d The Countryside Alliance will swamp the anti-war demo at the party conference

2 How did health secretary John Reid suggest fat kids lose weight?

a Try the Atkins diet

b Gardening

c Liposuction

d Take up smoking (working classes only)

3 Who delighted audiences with an unexpected appearance as a clown?

a Paul Newman

b David James

c Tom Cruise

d John Prescott

4 What “unique” feature does Mark Thatcher’s pound;2m Cape Town home (on sale now) boast?

a Helicopter launch pad

b Safari lounge

c Signed portrait of Maggie embracing Nelson Mandela

d Private army