a To protect animals, of course!
b It was in the manifesto but Tony just realised he'd turned two pages at once
c Running gag to wind up the House of Lords
d The Countryside Alliance will swamp the anti-war demo at the party conference
2 How did health secretary John Reid suggest fat kids lose weight?
a Try the Atkins diet
d Take up smoking (working classes only)
3 Who delighted audiences with an unexpected appearance as a clown?
a Paul Newman
b David James
c Tom Cruise
d John Prescott
4 What "unique" feature does Mark Thatcher's pound;2m Cape Town home (on sale now) boast?
a Helicopter launch pad
b Safari lounge
c Signed portrait of Maggie embracing Nelson Mandela
d Private army