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Pine for lonesome Holland Park head

Colin Hall, head of Holland Park School in west London, is noted for his exquisite taste in pine flooring and unerring way of getting up the noses of lefty parents and teachers. Since taking over the once famously progressive comp, Hall has been accused of ruthlessly crushing opposition to his efforts to return to a more traditional ethos.

However, though disgruntled parents and teachers have been vocal - particularly taking exception to Hall's expensive"Notting Hill wine bar" style refit - we have so far heard little from the pupils.

But now a spoof school website apparently set up by pupils, hollandparkeschool.netfirms.com, is redressing the balance.

(The Diary warns readers that the site is not for those of a nervous disposition: its use of expletives and homophobic references makes it the nearest thing to"Gangsta" web design we have yet seen.) A spoof message from the head says: "I am very pleased to announce that the school inspections went well, everything went according to plan. I want to thank you all for making me look good... I have given my life to you kids; I am working hard day and night in my posh office with a man holding an umbrella over my head, and my own personal chauffeur.

"Most of the school budget I've used to decorate the ground floor of the school to impress naive visitors. And a tiny bit of it I've used to buy an oak table for my office, an armchair, a crown, a personal chauffeur, a limo, I got a lawyer and a manager, an agent and a chef, three nannies, an assistant, and a driver and a jet, a trainer and a butler, and a bodyguard or five, a gardener and a stylist, do you think I'm satisfied?"

Mr Hall obviously has made quite an impression.

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