a Which bastard threw the egg?

b I love you all, sob

c Sorry for the smell

2 What new help are London teachers to receive?

a 25 per cent off houses they still can’t afford

b Stun guns in certain inner city primaries

c Interpreters to help them understand Australian supply teachers

3 What apparently caused our prime minister’s heart problems?

a Stress

b A guilty conscience

c Too much coffee

4 What’s the latest blow to French tourism?

a “Hospitality workers” on strike in Pigalle

b A 36 per cent rise in fag prices

c Derailments on the Paris metro