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Richard Knights offers a job-seeker's guide to the classified ads

Anyone who has ever moved house will be familiar with estate agents' jargon. "In need of some repair", for instance means "falling to bits". Well, as the job-hunting season kicks off in earnest, here is a useful guide to some phrases you might encounter - followed by their true meanings.

Idyllic rural location - Miles from anywhere

The Ofsted report highlighted many strengths - Whatever you do, don't read the whole report

High parental involvement - You can never get rid of them after school

Children sometimes display challenging behaviour - The kids are out of control

We have a strict discipline code - See above

Dynamic, innovative and creative teacher wanted - The head's a slave-driver

Must be resourceful and inependent - You'll never see the head

Stable group of staff - All over 50, can't wait to retire

NQTs welcome - We've got no money

Improving school - Failed Ofsted

Child-centred school - No longer applies

Expanding school - Huge classes

Must have good inter-personal skills - The last teacher was hated by all the staff

. . . would be an advantage - . . . absolutely essential

Good sense of humour an advantage - The head's mad

Must have good organisational skills - You'll be filling in forms every night

Experienced teacher required - We've had a load of NQTs who couldn't hack it

Challenging inner-city school - Fort Apache the Bronx

Richard Knights is a teacher in Knowsley, Merseyside

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