Anyone who has ever moved house will be familiar with estate agents’ jargon. “In need of some repair”, for instance means “falling to bits”. Well, as the job-hunting season kicks off in earnest, here is a useful guide to some phrases you might encounter - followed by their true meanings.
Idyllic rural location - Miles from anywhere
The Ofsted report highlighted many strengths - Whatever you do, don’t read the whole report
High parental involvement - You can never get rid of them after school
Children sometimes display challenging behaviour - The kids are out of control
We have a strict discipline code - See above
Dynamic, innovative and creative teacher wanted - The head’s a slave-driver
Must be resourceful and inependent - You’ll never see the head
Stable group of staff - All over 50, can’t wait to retire
NQTs welcome - We’ve got no money
Improving school - Failed Ofsted
Child-centred school - No longer applies
Expanding school - Huge classes
Must have good inter-personal skills - The last teacher was hated by all the staff
. . . would be an advantage - . . . absolutely essential
Good sense of humour an advantage - The head’s mad
Must have good organisational skills - You’ll be filling in forms every night
Experienced teacher required - We’ve had a load of NQTs who couldn’t hack it
Challenging inner-city school - Fort Apache the Bronx
Richard Knights is a teacher in Knowsley, Merseyside
