Results day has arrived and for so many people in education, whether they are over the moon or as sick as a dog, it is a day that will be characterised by clichés as old as time.
Nerves will be wracked for students in Years 11, 12 and 13, for their teachers, for the heads of department, for senior leadership teams and for the people running the Ucas website, which MUST NOT FAIL.
So an ideal time, then, for the rest of us to sit back, relax and have a bit of a joke. Here is your chance to get a glimpse of how predictable and clichéd the media can be – and, as you laugh, remember: this is the world you are preparing your students for.
- The media publishing pictures of pretty girls leaping for joy.
- Media commentators saying that publishing pictures of pretty girls leaping for joy is such a cliché.
- Headteachers saying "all credit to a great team of teachers and a wonderful year group", but secretly thinking "thank god" or "oh shit".
- Memes showing Usain Bolt smiling as he runs with an exam paper in his hand.
- Anxious boys deep in phone calls looking for a way to bend the admission rules.
- Articles on why not getting the grades you need is not the end of the world, with pictures of Richard Branson, Bill Gates, etc, etc.
- Articles on an inspirational millionaire who messed up their exams.
- Teachers explaining that not getting your grades does not guarantee you will become an inspirational millionaire.
- Shock at the decline of foreign language entries.
- Articles linking the decline about foreign language entries to Brexit.
- Tweets full of inspirational quotes about failure making you stronger.
- Teenagers not sure what grades they have got because the component and overall scores are so complicated.
- Headteachers not sure what their Progress 8 score will be because the calculations are so complicated.
- A smiling 9-year-old with an A in maths/computing.
- Parents of said 9-year-old insisting they are not pushy and their child just loves studying.
- Lots of hugging.
- Shock at rise in maths entries.
- Articles linking rise in maths entries to Brexit.
- Not one picture of the middle-aged, worn out parents of teenagers, despite spending months in servitude to revising offspring with their only reward being imminent bankruptcy.
- Media commentators complaining that students show no gratitude to their middle-aged, worn out parents .
- Lists of clichés to look out for on results day.
(NB: TES reserves the right to fulfil all or any of these clichés – and not have it pointed out.)