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* Overheard in the staffroom: "Have a good holiday?" "Yes, but the dog's not too well. It's had a barium meal, but it will take two weeks for the results to reach the vet." BOB ASTON

* As Katie came into school one morning, I remarked on how lovely she looked in her new uniform. "Thanks, Miss. My mum stoled it at the weekend." Sensing the disapproval on my face, she tried to mke amends. "Sorry, Miss. I mean stole. She stole it at the weekend. That's right isn't it?" JACQUI TERRY

* Year 6 visited a dairy during their school journey week. We all had to wear "freesize" white plastic bath hats and coats. The staff prayed no one had a camera, but 10-year-old Rosalie was delighted. "Oh Miss, we look like brides," she confided in me. S SINCLAIR

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