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* In a recent mock GCSE religious studies exam, I asked: "What were the last words Jesus spoke at the Crucifixion?" Back came the reply: "See you Sunday."


* It's the first day of term and the seven-year-old pupil points accusingly at the container of meatballs. "Yuck, what are those?" "They're meatballs. Why don't you try them?" I reply. He walks away with a couple on his plate with soe potatoes. A few minutes later his hand shoots up and in a loud voice he shouts: "Please Sir, I don't like these bollocks of meat."


* The Year 1 teacher was having trouble accessing a computer program and, to a disappointed class, announced that the PC had "frozen". Half an hour later Luke approached the teacher's desk to ask if the computer had thawed out yet.


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