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A class of Year 7 pupils had been improvising music with a newly acquired set of percussion instruments. Tom, who had been playing table castanets, asked: "Miss, what's that pair of knockers I was playing called?" KAYE FRASER

* During a literacy lesson a group of four Year 6 boys were looking at the formal language used on official forms. The term "marital status" prompted a discussion and they all decided they preferred the term "bachelor" to "single".

"But what would you write if yo were a girl?" I asked.

"Virgin," came Nathan's swift reply.


* A Year 11 boy was complaining about the grade he'd received for a piece of English coursework so I explained the need for using full-stops and commas. "It's not fair," he replied. "Punctuality shouldn't be that important."


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