What a pity that, at its conference this year, the NASUWT did not manage to debate the following pearl from its Clackmannanshire members (or should that be member?): "This AGM welcomes the research from the University of Padova in Italy, indicating that fish can count to four, and demands that the members of the Scottish Negotiating Committee for Teachers should all, in future, be able to pass similar tests in order to prove they can recognise that agreeing to pay rises that fall below the rate of inflation means that the arithmetic adds up to a pay cut and not a pay rise."
If it's Friday ...
Talking of fish, among the more mysterious parliamentary questions of the past week was one from Lothians Labour MSP George Foulkes. He wanted to know what advice the Scottish Government gives to councils "regarding the provision of fish in school meals on Fridays". Micro management? Or mackerel management perhaps.
It's that time of year. A girl finished her home economic exam, saying proudly that she had answered everything - including "the trick question".
"What trick question?" we asked.
"Well, they were asking how to get oot beetroot stains, and ony fool kens there's nae stanes in beetroot!"
Pity the heidie and staff of Glasgow's brand new St Fillan's Primary. No sooner had they taken up residence in their swish surroundings than HMIE turned up. But every cloud has a silver lining - at least there must be one "excellent" in the bag for accommodation. And if there's not ...
Never say die
Invigilators may be in short supply these days, but the ultimate plea took place at the end of a recent memorial service for a deceased member of the cohort when an appeal was made to the congregation to offer their services at the local high school "where there's now a vacancy".
Little at large
Welcoming the new super FE campus in Glasgow, Paul Little, the new principal of Central College, said it had "an exciting new vision to become a world-class centre of excellence, a top class college and the best-in-class partner for access, inclusion and economic and cultural development."
Colleges really need to be a bit more ambitious than that.