Birds of a feather
Each team will be led by a registered lifer on parole (the criminal fraternity has declined to use the term "reggie" as a mark of respect) and must include a lay visitor. Convicted fraudsters are in demand for judging efficiency. OFSTED will not confirm reports that Eric Cantona is in a team due to inspect a Manchester primary school, covering PE, French and discipline.
The only flaw in this plan may be the rumour that an unidentified convicted violent offender has reported the proposal to the European Court of Human Rights on the grounds that it constitutes a cruel and unusual punishment.
David Meaden lives in London.