Doctored prose

30th May 2003 at 01:00
Doctors and nurses, as we know, are all degree-qualified these days, which means a Higher English along the way.

But it seems the high standards of S5 and S6 obviously slip back in the real world, as these extracts from hospital charts reveal.

"She has no rigors or shaking skills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night."

"Discharge status: alive but without permission."

"Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old make, mentally alert but forgetful."

"The patient refused autopsy."

"The patient has no previous history of suicides."

"She is numb from her toes down."

"The skin was moist and dry."

"She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce."

"Examination of genitilia reveals that he is circus sized."

"The lab test indicated abnormal lover function."

"Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities."

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