DEAR George Lucash,
I'm impressed. It takes real cunning to work out how sticking the word "Young" in front of the name "Indiana Jones" enables you to produce 12 cheapo "made for TV" rip-offs, lacking in originality, lacking Spielberg's pacey direction and - most important of all - lacking the charismatic, taciturn Harrison Ford.
Please understand, Mr Cash, I don't blame you for The Adventures of Cheapo Jones. We all have to earn a living and, as one gets older, it becomes more and more difficult to be original. One consolation of age, however, is that it should make us wiser. You, on the other hand, have just got craftier at merchandising your products or recycling ideas you had at 20. My son loves your new video, Indiana Jones amp; The Phantom Train, but market research probably already told you that.
What really horrifies me though, "Luke", is your arrogant naivety. Trailers for the next batch of rip-offs show young Indie making his way through the 20th century and bumping into the likes of Charles de Gaulle, Albert Schweitzer, TE Lawrence, Picassoand Lenin. I am bracing myself for insufferable lines like "Indie, I'm thinking I might start painting everything blue" or "You're right Dr Jones, someone should free the goddam Arabs!". Worse though, are the lines you script for yourself. "If young people see that people who have accomplished a lot are not much different it gives them the freedom to think they can do great things."
This is dangerous NONSENSE. Only in America is it obligatory for every young person to be famous. Which is why so many losers over there vent their rage by shooting up a shopping mall or high school.
Luke, I know you are a very influential man. Francis Ford Coppola seriously suggested you had started your own religion. May I suggest instead that you stop stuffing kids with the idea that we can all be famous?
There is a limit to the number of people who will be stars in any generation. Why not promote the idea that youngsters can be honest, decent adults?
Not as glamorous as Picasso, Lenin or Indie but the world needs far more good citizens than celebrities.