FErret

17th September 2010 at 01:00

On your head, Son

It's a good thing that business and skills secretary Vince Cable managed to find pound;50 million down the back of the sofa, since it seems that some colleges are already falling apart.

Last week, a couple of unlucky students at West Nottinghamshire College had to be treated for cuts after they were bashed by falling ceiling tiles at the campus in Mansfield, prompting a day-long closure while ceiling tile experts assessed the damage.

This would never have happened had the college been able to build its new pound;96 million campus, which at that price should probably have featured nanotech ceiling tiles which, in the unlikely event that they do fall on your head, simply give you a nice haircut and send you on your way.

Still, at least the college knows what to spend the first bit of its pound;225,000 cheque on now.

Here's to health

As a carnivorous mammal that requires a diet high in animal protein and fat and low in fibre, FErret is a big advocate of healthy eating. So he enthusiastically endorses the new menus at Barnfield College that have been carefully planned to meet your puny human needs.

Salads, fruit, baked potatoes, pasta - look, it all sounds terrible to FErret but apparently an all-steak, all-the-time diet is bad for people, even if it is perfect for Mustela furo over here.

As principal Pete Birkett says: "Good food is vital, especially for students who need to keep their brains in optimum working order." At least until they complete their course, when they should get on with pickling them in booze like the rest of us.

One has to question the special offer on fruit, however: "Buy five and get one free." Five! You can have too much of a good thing, you know?

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