Finally, back to that annual report, and nausea grips us with the arrival of a fax from Baverstock GM School in Birmingham, trumpeting its inclusion on the most-improved list.
"As school captains, we should like to express our delight and pride with our school's wonderful achievement," gush Joanne Claridge and Wayne Fitzsimmons, before quoting chunks of their last OFSTED report. They sign off: "We are confident that our school and college will continue to blossom and grow."
The Diary is confident too, that Joanne and Wayne have bright careers ahead of them. Whatever happened to rebellious yoof?