I know exactly what you are saying and many will echo it. I don't think there is a single or simple answer. Everything that a school does has some bearing- the quality of the teaching over and above the merely acceptable; the range of out-of-school activities and encouragement to develop interests; the way parents are treated and class distinctions handled; the response to incidents where rudeness has escalated; the success of encouragement to read, especially among boys.
There is no reason why behaviour guidelines should be confined to misdemeanours: encouragement of good behaviour is also important and a lot of factors come into that. It isn't, as you say, a simple class issue. I am familiar with schools with wide social contrasts, where some children live in homes worth the best part of a million pounds while others come from households without joy, order, mealtimes, bed times, alarm clocks or diaries. Neither group has a monopoly of the kind of things you mention.
Child avoidance can appear in any. I remember one particularly badly-behaved girl from a very grand home who was just a fashion accessory for her parents.
I sometimes think there should be more open dialogue between teachers and parents, and governors and teachers, about the factors that promote pleasant behaviour, more expressive language, pride and self-respect.
School clubs are a vital element, with strong promotion of reading, especially for boys. So is good use of language: "We have a rich language full of really sizzling abusive words - why use only three?' (And is drama just an annual play in your school? Or does it include role play of taking something back to a shop or having a neighbourly row over a garden fire?) An expert on behaviour management can do wonders in an in-service training day. And do all your teachers always set a good example?
I am really talking about poverty, not in money but in interests, reading, vocabulary, relationships. Governors must get beyond talking merely about behaviour sanctions.
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