Lock the porkers in their Sixties sty
Two years ago they relaunched Action Man wearing the very combat gear we played with 30 years ago. Before that it was Thunderbirds and Captain Scarlet, young Tom doing damage with the very same metal Spectrum Patrol Vehicle that I used to bash into my parents' skirting boards. Since then The Magic Roundabout has come round again, blob lamps are hot and Star Wars seems well on its way to becoming one of the world's leading religions. No doubt it won't be long before I Love Muffin' The Mule T-shirts are everywhere, much to the alarm of Animal Rights activists.
Now, however, they have gone too far. This week at the London Toy Fair those porcine poseurs of my youth, Pinky and Perky, have launched their comeback.
The pigs - whose only claim to fame was that they sang pop songs in a helium induced state - wore berets, bootlace ties and dungarees. They were very early 60s. They'd even had their snouts bobbedgiving them that fashion-able "Susan Hampshire" look.
It is a sad reflection on the cultural paucity of my childhood that a pair of puppet porkers were able to hog the TV every Sunday afternoon and even top the Royal Variety Performance of 1963. The Beatles were the warm-up act.
Now, however, the Bacon Boys are back. Not content with sticking their trotters into the toy market, Pinky and Perky are said to be making the biggest TV comeback since Parky.
Once again my monochrome childhood is going to be recycled, bringing back memories of wet Sunday afternoons, while my daughters argue over which of the trottersome two is cutest. What no one will pause to acknowledge is that Pinky and Perky were naff in 1960 - and they are still naff.
Before any kids start patting me on the head and asking if I'm pleased to see the 1960s back again let me put the record straight. Children's TV was dreadful when I was young. Kids today have The Simpsons. We had Noggin The Nog and you could always see the strings in Fireball XL5.
Nostalgia is all very well but please leave it in the past.