Make the grade
Exam boards, just stop wasting time. We'll easily be ready for September 2010.
Lads with short hair and specs will get As; trendy, guitar playing yoofs will get Bs; hairdryer or straightener-users will get Cs.
Those with spots or bad breath will get Ds or below (on a graduated scale according to severity).
Girls who smile and say please will get As; those with knee-length skirts will get Bs.
You get the picture. I imagine there would need to be some consultation on those "who have yet to decide on their gender", which could hold up proceedings a little.
Lynette Norris, Cockermouth, Cumbria.