Michael Jackson and the miracle of the burnt pizzas

16th June 2006 at 01:00
Michael Jackson visited a school to open a new kitchen... and "melted"

after a batch of pizzas were set on fire. Luckily, the Queen was on hand and quickly pulled out her mobile to alert the fire brigade. But she need not have bothered, as Jesus Christ turned up and miraculously doused the blaze.

These events all happened in the minds of key stage 3 pupils, as they let their imaginations run wild in response to an unusual assignment in their English tests last month.

For the short writing task, candidates were asked to write an article for the school website about a mystery celebrity's visit to open its new food technology room, which had taken a comic turn when pizzas were burned.

One marker on the TES website said: "Anyone else had Michael Jackson as the special guest? In one script he melted after the pizzas set fire and in another...the pizzas (turned) black and then by magic white."

Jamie Oliver appears to be vying with Gordon Ramsay as the celebrity-of-choice, although examiners also reported a sprinkling of Ainsley Harriots and a dash of Delias. One had seen a paper which said:

"Jamie Oliver is one of the best cookers in the world. He is magnificent for everything. He is like a cow jumping over the moon."

Another contributor observed drolly that Jamie should change his name to "Jaime": "Much more exotic, especially when there are all those 'piazzas'

to deal with!".

Footballers were also popular. Alan Shearer dominated entries from a Newcastle secondary, while one pupil had Steven Gerrard setting up a football academy and turning all the pupils into international players.

One teacher wrote of yearning for someone to write about the Pope, or God - and some entries came close: "I had Jesus working his miracles over the burnt pizza, which was a hoot to read," said another.

There were also royal appearances: "Heaven help us!" said one surprised examiner. "The Queen has just pulled out her mobile phone and phoned the 'fire bergade' to save everyone!". In another answer, the Queen went trampolining with the head.

There were, as ever, many howlers. One pupil wrote: "People want to eat well and keep exorcising."

But perhaps the most bizarre report concerned not the answers themselves, but the way they were presented: all of one school's scripts arrived covered in muddy boot prints.

Subscribe to get access to the content on this page.

If you are already a Tes/ Tes Scotland subscriber please log in with your username or email address to get full access to our back issues, CPD library and membership plus page.

Not a subscriber? Find out more about our subscription offers.
Subscribe now
Existing subscriber?
Enter subscription number


The guide by your side – ensuring you are always up to date with the latest in education.

Get Tes magazine online and delivered to your door. Stay up to date with the latest research, teacher innovation and insight, plus classroom tips and techniques with a Tes magazine subscription.
With a Tes magazine subscription you get exclusive access to our CPD library. Including our New Teachers’ special for NQTS, Ed Tech, How to Get a Job, Trip Planner, Ed Biz Special and all Tes back issues.

Subscribe now