Mixed abilities

26th August 2005 at 01:00
As schools return, it's good to know that our pupils are as inspirational as ever.

Teacher: "We are going to have a general knowledge quiz. The pupil who gets the answer correct can have Friday and Monday off and not come back to school until Tuesday".

Wee Jocky thinks: "This is gonnae be a dawdle. Come ahead the noo ya radge, a lang weekend fur me."

Teacher: "Right, who can tell me who said, 'Don't ask what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country'?"

Jocky shoots up his hand, waving furiously in the air.

Teacher looks around and picks Jeremy at the front. In a very proper accent, he replies: "Yes miss, the answer is J F Kennedy, inauguration speech, 1961".

Teacher: "Excellent, Jeremy. We will see you back in class on Tuesday".

Next Thursday, Jocky is even more determined to get a chance to answer.

Teacher: "Who said 'We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds . . . we shall never surrender'?"

Timothy is invited to reply and, in well-modulated tones, answers: "Yes miss, the answer is Winston Churchill, 1940 speech".

Teacher: "Very good Timothy. You can come back to class on Tuesday".

Jocky loses the plot altogether, tips his desk and throws his wee chair at the wall. He starts screaming: "Where did all these English b******s come from?"

Teacher looks round the class: "Who said that?"

Jocky grabs his coat and bag and heads for the door, declaring: "Bonnie Prince Charlie, Culloden, 1746. See yez all on Tuesday".

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