On the naughty step - Conduct that deserves a ticking off
This week: Michael Gove
We at TES would hate to be labelled as "enemies of promise". We are full of promise. We salute ambition and encourage everyone to strive to fulfil their dreams. It's just the kind of people we are.
But I'm afraid we have a message for Michael Gove. We'd like to break it gently but the bare fact is this: your career in acting and comedy is never going to take off.
Mr Gove's latest comedy turn came in the unlikeliest of places this week. No, not the teaching union conferences - an online April Fool video for The Guardian.
The paper, you see, had its readers rolling in the aisles with its phoney "Guardian Goggles" - glasses that help their wearers to see the world through liberal-tinted spectacles, assisting them in choosing ethically sourced food and protecting them from the xenophobic excesses of the Daily Mail. That kind of thing. Fnar.
At the end of the video, Mr Gove turns to the camera, replete with comedy specs, and says: "I'm Michael Gove and I'd be naked without my Guardian Goggles."
Now, well done Michael for being a jolly good sport and all that. But it's not the first time that he's tried his hand at a bit of acting. One ageing clip shows Mr Gove on television with comedian David Baddiel in the 1990s; in another he plays the part of a vicar.
We know the Conservative front bench considers itself the heir to Blair, who loved a bit of theatrics himself, but we're afraid to say that enough's enough. Off to the naughty step, Michael, to think about thwarted ambition and how to help children obsessed with being "celebrities" - all these high jinks are really most unbecoming.