Brenda Williams, the doughty deputy head of Netherlee Primary in East Renfrewshire, knows all about varying the curriculum to suit the social environment.
Discussing the "Jeely Piece Song" of Glasgow high-rise flat fame, she was explaining about jam pieces being flung from tenement windows to hungry weans, in particular the physics of a jeely piece being flung from a multi-storey flat.
"I asked the class what the effect of that would be, and the first hand up told me: 'Please, Miss, the jam sandwich would separate from the plate.'"
That's what you get in Netherlee.
All of which is topped by the educational psychologist who asked the lad in Mearns Primary as part of a basic numeracy test: "What would you get a dozen of?"
"Oysters," came the instant reply.
David Cameron, the children's supremo in Stirling, has let it be known that he is the latest to set up his own blog. Except that he has decided it should be called a "blogroll" - "because, once you become a director, you spend your entire time shitting yourself."
If you see a pupil dozing off midway through a lesson, think twice about how you wake the poor dear. You could end up being sued.
Such was the case at Danbury High, a school in the litigation-friendly United States. A lawyer representing 15-year-old Vinicios Robacher has notified school officials in the Connecticut town that he intends to take legal action for injuries sustained by his young client when he was woken by his teacher.
The maths teacher had noticed the dozing student and abruptly slammed the palm of her hand on his desk. Vinicios's lawyer, Alan Barry, said the teenager had suffered "severe injuries to his left eardrum. Many of us have fallen asleep in class and had the teacher wake us up. But what happened here was more in the nature of an assault and battery," he said.
"My client is an extraordinarily bright young man. He's a computer wizard who works late into the night, and that's probably why he fell asleep."
How far the case will go is unclear. A preliminary notice has been sent to the local authority, but a proper lawsuit has not been filed.
We sympathise with Catherine Richard, the school's principal. As she told Connecticut's News-Times: "You can't make this stuff up."