31st October 2003 at 00:00
1 How did Zowie Smith upset kids at West Park primary?

a She gave them Chinese burns

b She nicked their dinner money

c Her big brother beat them up

2 Classroom observation: who disrupted Nina Panaysis's lesson?

a That troublesome Blair boy

b A lost Ofsted team

c Bungie, the escaped school donkey

3 How much will a lost passport cost?

a pound;42 replacement fee

b pound;500 on the black market

c Two years' inside (refugees only)

4 What was Paul Burrell's (unmet) price for spiking his story?

a A king's ransom

b A clear conscience

c A cup of tea at Highgrove

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