1 Which elusive man with a big bushy beard has finally been tracked down?
a Osama bin Laden b Saddam Hussein c Father Christmas
2 And what was in his pocket when they found him?
a Weapons of mass destruction - loads of them b Osama's phone number c A pistol (unfired)
3 Which unlikely compliment was paid to boring tennis player Tim Henman?
a Civil servants think he would "add interest" to the New Year's Honours list b Women's Institute voted him the "new Cliff Richard" c Elected Player of the Year by fellow players
4 What backhanded compliment did the public pay English teachers?
a A book on apostrophes is on the best-seller list b Viewers gave a comedy award for Channel 4's Teachers series c The Big Read shortlist - most people obviously haven't read a new book since school
5 Who is this year's Christmas anti-Christ according to the Association of Christian Teachers?
a Saddam (again) b Herod (again) c Philip Pullman
ANSWERS: 1b, 2c, 3a, 4c, 5c
AND SOME 2003 POSERS TO PONDER
1 Which possible outcome to the Hutton Inquiry worries you more?
a Tony Blair ordered the intelligence agencies to sex up the Iraq dossier b The intelligence services sexed it up off their own bat c They just got it wrong
2 Did Tony and George really pray together before the Iraq war?
a "No, Jeremy, no" as a tetchy Blair told Newsnight's Paxman b "We don't do God" as a tetchy Alistair Campbell told journalists c Yes, at Camp David, according to White House sources quoted in The Faith of George W. Bush.
3 Whose reincarnation is most disturbing?
a Dirty Den from the bottom of the canal b Anne Widdicombe as a blonde c Robin Cook as a man of principle d Madonna as a children's author
4 If the public wants it and MPs vote for it, when do we get a ban on fox-hunting?
a Tomorrow b Never c On the fifth Sunday in Advent
5 If education spending is rising, school roles falling and some DfES wonks think teaching assistants should take classes, does that mean a More teachers b Fewer teachers c No teachers
Answers on a postcard, please