9th June 2000 at 01:00
My four-year-old daughter came out of school clutching a collage. Her classmates were all holding similar collages, each consisting of a large, green field under a long, blue sky. In the middle of each field stood a small sheep made of cotton wool. "Look, Daddy," said my daughter proudly, "I made a lambscape!" TONY ELSTON

* Conversation at the school gate. "Hello, Mummy. I swallowed some urine today." Mummy looks aghast before a scholfriend adds: "I think you mean chlorine."

They had been swimming.


* The reason for the absence of a teacher - she was recovering from a hysterectomy - got out. The following conversation took place with Year 10 twins.

Twin one: "We reckon she's putting it on."

Twin two: "Yeah, she doesn't need all that time off. Our dad had the same thing and he went back to work the next day."


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